The recent travel strikes have left the staff stranded at the store. At first thought, the idea of camping out on the floor seems a horrible idea, but soon the staff start sharing many war memories and find out that staying the night might not be as bad as they thought.
- Mrs. Slocombe: In fact, that's how I met my husband, during an air raid. The bombs were raining down, and I saw his face, lit by an incendiary. He threw me on my face and said, "Look out - here comes a big one!" Mr. Lucas: I suppose there wasn't much time for chatting in those days.
- Miss Brahms: Mrs Slocombe, that man's been hanging round our underwear counter for the past ten minutes. Mrs. Slocombe: Oh dear. Do you think he's one of those? Miss Brahms: One of what? Mrs. Slocombe: A Bon Voyeur. Y'know, they're the people who look but don't touch. Miss Brahms: Ooh, I've never been out with one of those.
- Mrs. Slocombe: Are you being served, sir? The Large Bra Customer: Uh, no. Do you have a male assistant on this counter? Mrs. Slocombe: No, sir. This is ladies underwear. The Large Bra Customer: I just thought you might have a man to help you. Mrs. Slocombe: No, sir. There isn't much demand for that sort of thing at Grace Brothers. The Large Bra Customer: Ah. Well, er... I want to purchase a bra. Miss Brahms: [surprised] What size do you take? Mrs. Slocombe: That'll do, Miss Brahms. The Large Bra Customer: Oh, no. It's for my fiancée. She's a young girl. Mrs. Slocombe: Oh, congratulations. Have you any idea what size the young lady takes? The Large Bra Customer: Well... Mrs. Slocombe: Miss Brahms, go and polish something. The Large Bra Customer: [hands Mrs Slocombe a brassiere] I managed to knock this off when she wasn't looking. Mrs. Slocombe: Oh, how clever of you [examining the garment] Mmm, she's a healthy girl, isn't she. Miss Brahms, get out the 44s. The Kilimanjaro range.
- Mr. Grainger: Don't worry about the length of the fingers, Sir. You'll find they'll ride up with wear. And I'm sure you'll find they'll give every satisfaction. Don't you agree, Mr. Humphries? Mr. Humphries: Oh, yes, Mr. Grainger. It's very difficult to distinguish that plastic imitation leatherette from the real imitation leatherette. Mr. Grainger: And you'll find that the lining will keep the hands wonderfully warm. Won't it, Mr. Humphries? Mr. Humphries: Warm as toast, Mr. Grainger. Mr. Lucas: Yes, of course. That's because it's made from real imitation, simulated nylon fur fabric, you see? Mr. Grainger: Thank you, Mr. Lucas. Mr. Humphries: I wore a pair of those myself last season, and I had quite a lot of satisfaction. Didn't I, Mr. Grainger? Mr. Grainger: I believe you did, Mr. Humphries. Mr. Lucas: During the freeze up last winter, you know, when I couldn't fill my hot water bottle, I wore a pair of those on my feet and I got a lot of satisfaction. Didn't I, Mr. Humphries? Mr. Humphries: What you say Mr. Lucas, has a distinct ring of truth about it, despite the fact that you've only been with us, two months. The Leatherette Gloves: As a matter of fact, they're for the wife's brother. I don't like him very much. Mr. Humphries: Well, in that case, Sir. You couldn't have made a better choice.
- Mr. Lucas: [about Mr. Grainger] Hello, Churchill's having one of his catnaps again. Somebody better wake him up. It's time to go to bed. Captain Peacock: Mr. Humphries? Mr. Humphries: Are you free, Mr. Grainger? Mr. Grainger: [waking up] Yes, yes, I'm free, Mr. Humphries.
- Mrs. Slocombe: I was blowing up my air bed and it takes puff after puff after puff. Mr. Humphries: Can I help anybody? Mrs. Slocombe: No, thank you, Mr. Humphries. I've managed.
- Captain Peacock: Mrs. Slocombe, what is Miss Brahms doing in that tent? Mrs. Slocombe: Knowing you, I'm surprised you haven't looked. Miss Brahms: He has and I was putting on me pajamas. Mrs. Slocombe: Captain Peacock! Captain Peacock: The point is, Mrs. Slocombe, that this large tent is for yourself and Miss Brahms. Mrs. Slocombe: There's going to be no one in my boudoir when I blow out the candle. Captain Peacock: I have no other accommodation. Where am I supposed to bivouac? Mrs. Slocombe: I don't care, whack. It's nothing to do with me.
- Captain Peacock: I was trying to get Miss Brahms and Mrs. Slocombe together in the same tent. Mr. Rumbold: What, all three of you? Captain Peacock: No, Sir. I don't want to share with the ladies. Mr. Rumbold: Ah good. Captain Peacock: I want to share with you.
- Captain Peacock: Oh, yes, it brought back memories of the army. The lads, the heat, the sunset and the endless shifting sands. Mr. Lucas: How long were you at Bognor Regis, Captain Peacock? Captain Peacock: Mr. Lucas, when you were at school, I was with some of the toughest soldiers in the world, chasing Rommel through the desert. Mr. Humphries: Some people have all the luck.
- Miss Brahms: Get in your tent and zip yourself up!
- Mr. Lucas: Mr. Grainger, could I borrow your tape measure? I've got to take that gentleman's inside leg. Mr. Grainger: I'd prefer that you borrowed Mr. Humphries'.
- Mr. Lucas: Mr. Humphries, do me a favor. Take that man's inside leg. Mr. Humphries: Don't ask me. I've given it up for Lent.
- Mr. Rumbold: [Everyone thinks of how they are going to provide sleeping accommodations in the store] Camping. Mr. Humphries: I beg your pardon? Mr. Rumbold: Camping! Were you never in the Scouts, Mr. Humphries? Mr. Humphries: Well, not officially.
- Mrs. Slocombe: Oh, well, I suppose they're better than nothing. Mr. Mash: I think I'd prefer you in nothing.
- Mrs. Slocombe: Miss Brahms, our sleepwear has arrived. Mr. Mash: What size are you? Miss Brahms: Oh, not for me thanks. I never wear anything in bed. I don't like rough things next to my skin. Mr. Mash: You're lucky you ain't got me in there with ya! Mrs. Slocombe: You will wear pajamas tonight, Miss Brahms. Suppose there was a fire and you had no clothes on? Miss Brahms: Ooh, I'd be first to be rescued.
- Mollie Sugden as Betty Slocombe (1972-1985)
- Frank Thornton as Stephen Peacock (1972-1985)
- John Inman as Claiborne W. Humphries (1972-1985)
- Wendy Richard as Shirley Brahms (1972-1985)
- Nicholas Smith as Cuthbert Rumbold (1972-1985)
- Trevor Bannister as Dick Lucas 1972-1979
- Arthur Brough as Ernest Grainger (1972-1977)
- Stephanie Gathercole as Mr. Rumbold's secretary
- Harold Bennett as Young Mr. Grace
- Larry Martyn as Mr. Mash
- James Copeland as The Scottish Customer
- Anita Richardson as The 38C Cup
- Pamela Manson as The Large Brim with Fruit
- David Rowlands as The Man With The Large Bra
- Colin Bean as The Leatherette Gloves