Cold Comfort is the second episode of Are You Being Served?'s second series. It was first broadcast on 21 March 1974.
Due to fuel reserves being in short supply, Grace Brothers turn off the central heating, despite it being bitterly cold. While Mr. Rumbold secretly uses an electric fire, the floor staff use other methods to keep themselves warm until Captain Peacock finds out and takes all the devices to Mr. Rumbold's office. In attempt to hide the electric fire, Mr. Rumbold's office is set on fire. It is put out by Mr. Lucas.
- Mollie Sugden as Mrs. Slocombe
- Trevor Bannister as Mr. Lucas
- Frank Thornton as Captain Peacock
- John Inman as Mr. Humphries
- Wendy Richard as Miss Brahms
- Arthur Brough as Mr. Grainger
- Nicholas Smith as Mr. Rumbold
- Larry Martyn as Mr. Mash
- Harold Bennett as Old Mr. Grace
- Hilda Fenemore as Elsie
- Helen Lambert as Gladys
- Robert Mill as Customer
- Carolyn Hudson as Customer
- John Baker as Customer
- Freddie Wiles as Goddard (Uncredited)
Captain Peacock: Good morning Mrs Slocombe, Miss Brahms. You're one minute late. Mrs. Slocombe: You're lucky to have me at all, Captain Peacock. I had to thaw me pussy out before I came. He'd been out all night.
Mr. Humphries: [while warming his legs with a hairdryer] You *shall* go to the ball!
Mr. Humphries: [Captain Peacock is wearing a ski mask] Oh, it's the masked stranger. Take my body but leave my jewels alone. Captain Peacock: Good morning, Mr. Humphries. Mr. Humphries: I withdraw the offer. Captain Peacock: They're very useful for keeping out the cold. Mr. Humphries: Whatever has happened to the central heating in here? My ballpoint'll never function in this weather.
Mr. Lucas: I'm sorry I'm late, Captain Peacock. Captain Peacock: Don't tell me you skated here, Mr. Lucas? Mr. Lucas: No, no, I went skating last night with a girlfriend and she's got thin blood. Captain Peacock: What has that to do with your being late? Mr. Lucas: Well I had to stay the night with her, to keep her circulation going, you know.
Mr. Grainger: Oh, yes, it is very parky, isn't it? Yes, I had to put my long underpants on this morning.
Miss Brahms: Ooh, d'you know I wish I put on my thicker knickers this morning. Captain Peacock: You know, you young girls today don't wear enough clothes. Miss Brahms: And how would you know? Captain Peacock: Well, I keep warm with this. See? The commando's used to wear them during the war. You'd do well to do the same. Miss Brahms:What? String knickers? You must be joking. Mrs. Slocombe: Well I think it's ridiculous expecting us to fit a customer with a bra in this weather.
Mrs. Slocombe: Captain Peacock, are you free?Captain Peacock: At the moment, yes. Mrs. Slocombe: Could I have a word with you? Captain Peacock: Certainly. Mrs. Slocombe: Well, it's rather personal. Captain Peacock: Ah. Mrs. Slocombe: Miss Brahms has just been and it's frozen over. Captain Peacock: I beg your pardon? Mrs. Slocombe: The ladies. It's solid. Captain Peacock: I see. But what exactly do you expect me to do about it? Mrs. Slocombe: Well, I thought I'd ask you if umm... we could use the gents. It's rather urgent. Mrs. Slocombe: Yes, well, I'll uh have a word with Mr. Grainger. You must go through the right channels, you know. Mrs. Slocombe: Yeah, well, don't be too long.[Miss Brahm's mouths "But it's cold"] Captain Peacock: Are you free, Mr. Grainger?Mr. Grainger: Err, yes, I'm free, Captain Peacock. Captain Peacock: Umm, a slightly delicate situation has arisen. It appears... [whispers what has had happened into Mr. Grainger's ear] Mrs. Slocombe: He's asking Grainger. Miss Brahms: Oh, fancy telling Grainger I wanted to go. Mr. Grainger: Yes, I understand, Captain Peacock. Of course, I shall have to consult my colleagues. Mr. Humphries, Mr. Lucas, are you free? Mr. Humphries, Mr. Lucas: [both together] We're free. Mrs. Slocombe: Ooh, he'll be sending for Doctor Kissinger in a minute. Miss Brahms:It's degrading. He's telling them all now. Mr. Lucas:Why can't she use the one in the bargain basement? Mr. Humphries: Yes, or the public one on the sports floor?
Mr. Lucas: Mr. Humphries, what are you doing? Mr. Humphries: I'm warming me hands in the cashmere. It was so cold last night, I had to iron the sheets before I got into bed. Mr. Lucas: I tell ya, these power cuts make me wish I was married. Mr. Mash: Psst. Gov'nor. Psst. Here, lads, what about a cup of under-the-counter cocoa, then? Mr. Lucas: Oh, yeah. Don't let Peacock see. Mr. Mash: Well if he complains, he won't get one. Mr. Lucas: [referring to Mr. Mash] Ha-ha-ha... He's one of us. [is about to take a sip of the hot chocolate Mr. Mash provided] Mr. Mash: Ten pence each. Mr. Humphries: He's not one of us. [he and Mr. Lucas put their hot chocolates back on Mr. Mash's tray]
Captain Peacock: [about the toilet] Mrs. Slocombe, it's free if you want to go.
Captain Peacock: Are you free, Mr. Grainger? Mr. Grainger: Yes, I'm free, Captain Peacock. Captain Peacock: How long have we been displaying electrical equipment in the Cardinal Woolsey cabinet? Mr. Grainger: Are you free, Mr. Humphries? Mr. Humphries: I'm afraid I am, Mr. Grianger. Mr. Lucas is free too. Mr. Lucas: Thank you.
[last lines] Mrs. Slocombe: Actually, I have a confession to make. I took the liberty of having a little nip of something to keep me warm. Captain Peacock: I wouldn't have minded a drop myself, Betty. Mrs. Slocombe: Be my guest, Stephen. It's secreted in the perfume display. Captain Peacock: How ingenious! [laughs] Mrs. Slocombe: [picks up the wrong perfume bottle] Open your mouth. Captain Peacock: As there are no customers around. Mrs. Slocombe: This'll put the roses back in your cheeks. Captain Peacock: [Mrs. Slocombe sprays perfume in Captain Peacock's mouth] Agh! Ooh!
Mr. Lucas: A bit taters in here this morning, innit? Captain Peacock: You needn't concern yourself with the heat, Mr. Lucas. Mr. Rumbold is going to make an announcement about that in a few moments. Mr. Lucas: Oh, well, we've got nothing to worry about then, have we? The shear excitement of an announcement by Mr. Rumbold is sending the blood pounding through my temples already. Mr. Humphries: That's not excitement, that's a hangover.